I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
