Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
