Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
