I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
