When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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