the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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