Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
