i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
