White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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