I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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