So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
