umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
