Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
