She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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