She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
