you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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