Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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