i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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