You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
