My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
