my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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