I need help removing her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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