You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
