Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
