Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
