If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
