Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
