Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
