am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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