Screwed.edu
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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