My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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