Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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