Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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