i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
