You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
