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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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