If i come over, it means nothing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
