you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
