1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
