There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is wine microwaveable?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
