the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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