omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
