I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
