yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
