then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
