he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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