Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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