dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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