I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
