I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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