My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
